The constant contradictions and failures of life.
Failing to satisfy anything, anyone. including myself.
So confused all the time
that I've become something I thought I wasn't.
Emotions, something contagious.
desiring to be happy for others.
cheering them up so they could be to.
It makes my day every single time.
yet depression hits. sadness overcomes.
Because in all positivity
I still insist to believe in reality, dead ends.
To believe in tragedy.
I punish myself so others don't get to punish me.
That way I win everytime. I get the advantage.
That way, maybe I'll save myself.
Funny thing is I don't even know what I'm winning.
I don't even know what I'm saving myself from.
The pain and agony?
Time has proven that it's just whether or not the stinging feeling
is prolonged and slowly torturing
or short and dramatic.
Truth be told, I can't control my fluctuating emotion.
Why do I try? When I predict and know my failure?
I'm too confused to know.
